Like most men and women looking to attract someone special, you probably have spent a lot of money on books and paid to hear one of the “dating” and “relationship” gurus tell you "How to Find the Perfect Relationship" but often the outcomes don’t fit what you want or it just isn’t happening!.
We are as a society in general are still stuck and obsessed with the idea of “forcing things to happen”. Even the language we use (including many dating and relationship "experts" ) is confrontational in tone and coercive in nature. It is the language of the imposition of one's will on another. We talk of "winning" and "losing", "tactics" and "strategies", "change" and "fix", “persuade” and “break down resistance”, etc. When pursuing the opposite sex we are "on target" or "off target" and we "gain ground' or "lose ground". To most, it is all about “closing a deal.” In fact, it is not simply that we talk about dating and relationships like this, this is what we do.
We are stuck in the need to control and direct the outcome because we are addicted to mental stress and emotional frustration. Most of us have no experience of what freedom from mental stress and emotional frustration feels like, and therefore even less experience creating relationships in ways that don’t involve stress, frustration and hurt.
Where do you draw the line between forcing it to happen and effortlessly attracting?
1. If you are trying to impress, persuade, convince, manipulate, or if you are working a trick or technique on them, you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
2. If you feel that the responsibility for obtaining results (i.e. getting a date, having a great date or moving from dates to a relationship) rests solely on you, you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
3. If the thought of approaching a woman/man forces your anxiety level to shoot to the sky, you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
4. If you are dressing to look convincingly attractive, arguing and acting in ways scripted to force you to appear to “fit” his/her aspirations, you are not attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
5. If you are on a date and at some point felt like you are not attractive enough, smart enough, successful enough or good enough, you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
6. If he/she is a passive participant to be impressed or even coerced, you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
7. If you are using some little manipulative admiration in form of compliments and other “supportive” rewards etc., you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
8. If you feel pressured to misrepresent yourself (withhold relevant facts, stretch the truth a little bit, say only the "right" things etc.), you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
9. If you are exploiting their fears, anxiety and insecurities, and by threatening them with regrettable consequences if they don't yield, you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
10. If you are using mind control or covert hypnotism, you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
11. If no matter what you do to persuade a man or woman, you feel like you’re fighting your way through a brick wall, you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
12. If even as you read this, you feel a little stressed, discouraged, fearful, confused, pessimistic, depressed, hurt, revengeful or simply feel a sense of hopelessness about dating, relationships and love in general, you are NOT attracting you are trying to force it to happen!
Effortless Attractiveness is precisely the opposite. Read Pt. 2 of 2
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned
Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of
Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and
Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way.
